I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
