her vagine was all disorganized.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
