Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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