So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
