did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize