I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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