You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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