We won't sleep together?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
