I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
