It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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