I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
