I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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