Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize