He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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