So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
