we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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