Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
