Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
