I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize