Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize