I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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