I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
