I hate all girls vehemently.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
