I just cut my nipple shaving
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
