I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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