Im at strip club and am horny
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
