so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
