Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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