he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
