omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We left the knife in your bed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
