so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need a hoe opinion
go on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize