I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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