You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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