Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
