Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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