Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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