Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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