hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
