I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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