Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
