Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
