I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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