Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
