Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
50% drunk capacity currently
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize