I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Floor bacon is actually really good
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
