He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
