RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
