You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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