I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
