Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
