i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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