wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
