i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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