I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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