I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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