if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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