I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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