Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
