youre lurking in front of me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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