I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
