I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
