just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
