What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
