And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
