I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
