the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
