i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
