hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
