the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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